REVIEW: Zombies Zombies Zombies

Pimps and Hos and Zombies! Oh, my!

Ok, pop quiz.  When someone screams “Zombie!” what should you do?  Run your ass off right?  Well that’s exactly what you should do if someone you know suggests that you watch this turd.  Never mind if they are a family member, roommate or a close friend.  Beware, for they could in fact be infected with a mutant bad taste virus.

I could go on and on about how bad this movie was but aside from the “models” and “playboy bunnies” that couldn’t act their way out of a closet, there was really only one thing that really ruined it for me.

This movie had real potential.  Well, not REAL potential, but it could have been a decent, fun night in front of the ol’ 46″ high def.  But they blew it.  I could be nice since this is Jason Murphy’s first movie, but I won’t.  Mr. Murphy committed a cardinal sin.  Bad CG.

If you are going to make a zombie movie do yourself a favor and stay away from CG all together.  Traditional effects look so much better.  Not that I’m biased or anything.  When you start mixing different medias you really need to make sure that they blend SEAMLESSLY together.

Mr. Murphy did not do this.  Somewhere along the line in post production he decided to add some CG.  This was his mistake.  Instead of blowing his production wad on Playboy Bunnies he should have either stuck with traditional effects or hired someone who knew what the fuck they were doing.  Instead we have to suffer through out-of-the-box CG that isn’t even the slightest bit realistic.

At one point near the end of the film zombies start exploding into bloody chunks.  I know you’re thinking “What’s wrong with that?” or “That sounds pretty cool!”.  Wrong…

The chunks were… well… square.  ish. 

Actually it looked more like someone stuck an M-80 in a bucket of jello shots.  The human body does not explode into angular chunks.  It explodes into what usually looks like stringy hamburger.  Or at least that’s what we’ve come to expect.

Ok… Now that I’ve got that out of my system.

The traditional effects used in this film were on the decent side, however, the acting pretty much stunk.  And the pimps and hoes drove me batty with all the attitude.

That being said if you’re like me and must see everything zombie, skip this one.  Trust me, you’ll be all the better for it.  And if you happen to be a filmmaker, let this be a lesson to you.  Don’t blow your wad on famous hot bitches and puss out on the effects.  If I want famous titties I’ll rent a porno, if I want blood guts and gore I rent a zombie flick.  OK?

Best line in the flick?  “Don’t be smackin’ the booty buggy, bitch!”