Oh man, oh man this flick is chock-full-o-freaks, and I’m not talking about the zombies, people.

Even though I watched this thing twice, I’m still not sure on the plot.  From what I gather this movie is about two things, sex and zombies.
Although this is in essence a zombie film (with even a lil’ nod to Fulci) the zombies actually play second fiddle to the other characters in this film.  Even though there are two varieties of zombies in this movie, the run of the mill stumbling and bumbling slow ass zombies, there is also a much faster type of “Hyper-Zombie” caused by a mutation of the zombie virus, the zombies in this movie just seem like an afterthought. Well, not really an afterthought, they’re just not in the spotlight.

The real stars of this movie are the main characters; yeah I know that sounds stupid but a lot of thought went into character development here.  Here’s what I mean.

First off we have Matool, a Mexican? who never quite gave up on being a ninja when he grew up.  Matool also likes long walks in the desert and hand to hand combat with zombies, and then he whips out his big ten inch nail and drives it through their heads with a cross peen hammer.

Next we have Nathan and Dexy, a married couple, who before the zombie apocalypse decided to live an “alternative” lifestyle.  Essentially Dexy likes to fuck strange men while Nathan gets his jollies watching all the action from a chair in the corner.   Oh, yeah, he also likes to get a little randy with the zombie chick he has shackled up in the shed out back.  Is it still necrophilia if she’s trying to chew your face off while you’re getting your fuck on?

Last but not least, there’s Sassy/Dorothy, AKA Dotty.  Dexy’s sister, a high functioning retard with a really gross Siamese twin-mutant-tumor thing growing out of her stomach.  If that wasn’t bad enough she also has infantile genitalia and can’t have intercourse.  So she gets her thrills by running in while Dexy’s getting some strange and surprises the poor fool by beating his ass with an orange plastic Hot Wheels track.  Damn… And I thought my wife was kinky.

There is something I should mention about this movie.  Something unique, original and something that I never thought I’d see.  Actually I’m not even too sure that I wanted to see it.  Cuz it’s fucking nasty.
ZOMBIE SHIT!  Yup, turds of the undead and they’re fresh too!  Yum, yum…  I guess if you think about it all those brains have to go somewhere, it’s just one of those things you don’t like to think about.  Kind of like the time I made the mistake of watching a show on Discovery Channel that showed how hot dogs are made.  Some things you’re just better off not knowing.

Oh, as a side note, in case you’re one of those people.  You know who you are…  If you watch “Dead Sexy: The Making of The Stink of Flesh” in the DVD extras they give you the recipe to make your very own zombie turds;  to have ,to hold,  and whatever else you freaks do with undead doodles…  Bleechhh…..
Anyway, back to the review.  This movie is what it is, a low budget horror.  That being said it does a pretty decent job.  The script and the acting were pitiful, but it made up for it with some pretty decent gore and makeup effects.  Plus it has zombie poo…  I guess that counts for something.

The DVD extra features are pretty decent also.
There’s a 46 minute making of documentary called “Dead Sexy: The making of The Stink of Flesh”
7 minutes of outtakes.
And “Rainville: The Early Years” which is a 3 minute nonsensical rant by an old man about what I still have no clue.

All in all, The Stink of Flesh was a pretty entertaining flick.

Get Blockbuster Movies And Games!  Get your $4.95 trial subscription to Blockbuster today! Netflix raised prices by 60%! And they dont include the newest release and games like us!

I have only one thing to say in my defense.  I read the title, The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made.  I was warned.  Did I heed that warning?  Hell, no.  I put on my big boy pants and I took up the challenge.  So, was I rewarded?  Punished?  Does it live up to its name?  Well, let’s find out.

Written and directed by one Bill Zebub, who until this evening was wholly unknown to me.  How this happened is beyond my grasp as the man (if anything) is prolific.  As of this review he has churned out a whopping 23 movies since 2002!  And according to Mr. Zebub’s website, he has several more films in the pipe.

This movie and I have a sort of love/hate relationship.  From about 2 minutes in, well until the ending credits I stared at the screen with my head cocked, brow furrowed and my jaw a-slack, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Something to do with a card game, a serial killer, a shit monster, terrorists, a 500 foot woman, a laser gun abortion, rednecks, giant bats, giant spiders, zombie Jesus and a whole bunch of other nonsensical shit.

But!  It wasn’t until the ending credits that I discovered the genius of this movie. You see, it was there that I read this:

THIS MOVIE WAS WRITTEN, SHOT, AND EDITED IN EIGHT WEEKS FROM JAN – FEB 2005 AS A DARE

Yeah, walk into any Hollywood studio, whip out a blank check and proclaim “I want a finished movie in 2 months!” and then proceed to watch heads explode.  Yet this self proclaimed “King of the B-Movie” accomplished this on a budget of $2000 in 8 weeks.  This guy must have 12 feet of dick and a washtub full of balls.

As far as the movie itself goes, it’s kind of like the first time you get ass-tapped in prison.  It’s horrible and the worst thing that could ever happen to you while it’s happening.  But once it’s over you just can’t stop thinking about it.  The acting is sub-amateur.  The special effects are juvenile.  And the script jumps around more than an epileptic crackhead.  But do you know what?  I don’t care.  This may not be the worst horror movie ever made, but it sure gave it its best shot.  It’s just one of those things that winds up being greater than the sum of its parts.  That being said, remember:  “Bananas are horrible creatures! They mutilate their prey!“

The first teaser trailer for the new season of the horror
web-series "The Dead Hour" has just gone live:

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

"The Dead Hour" is an indie horror anthology series filmed
 in Omaha, Nebraska. 

The show centers around a mysterious and sexy radio DJ who
brings her audience dark and twisted tales each night. 
The first season launched last fall and webisodes can be
seen exclusively at www.thedeadhour.com.  Season 2 is
currently in production and will feature nine new episodes
that will premiere this October also exclusively on the site. 
More news, updates and behind the scenes features can be
found on our Facebook  page at www.facebook.com/magnumpictures. 

I’ve never really been a fan of Professional Wrestling, but this looks pretty damned awesome.

Monster Brawl

Eight classic monsters fight to the death in an explosive wrestling tournament set inside an abandoned and cursed graveyard.

Set in the tradition of a Pay-Per-View main event, comes a grotesque and hilarious fight to the death featuring a cast of eight classic combatants in all. Along with their colorful managers, these Monsters compete in visceral bloody combat in the ring to determine the most powerful monster of all time.

Writer:  Jesse T. Cook (screenplay)

Here’s the brand spankin’ new trailer for Voodoo Rising from our buddies over at Fright Tech Pictures!

Synopsis:

A group of friends decide to spend their last summer together by taking a trip to the rural camping destination “Black Hills”. Once there, they find themselves in the middle of a deadly quarrel with a local family.

IMDB.com

Looks like it’s Roger Corman week for DVD releases.

Roger Corman’s Sci-Fi Classics [Attack Of The Crab Monsters, War Of The Satellites, Not Of This Earth]

Attack of the Crab Monsters

A group of scientists travel to a remote island to study the effects of nuclear weapons tests, only to get stranded when their airplane explodes. The team soon discovers that the island has been taken over by crabs that have mutated into enormous, intelligent monsters. To add to their problems, the island is slowly sinking into the ocean. Will any of them manage to escape?

War of the Satellites

An “unknown force” declares war against planet Earth when the United Nations disobeys warnings to cease and desist in its attempts at assembling the first satellite in the atmosphere.

Not of this Earth

An alien agent from the distant planet Davana is sent to earth via a high-tech matter transporter. There he terrorizes Southern California in an attempt to acquire blood for his dying race, the result of a devastating nuclear war.

Up From The Depths / Demon Of Paradise (Roger Corman’s Cult Classics) DVD

Up From The Depths

A series of mysterious aquatic attacks indicate the presence of some huge, previously unknown giant species of shark that has risen to the surface and is preying on tourists, fishermen, researchers, etc. A local beachcomber and scam artist, Sullivan, will have to put out to sea to defeat it.

Demon Of Paradise

Hunters become the hunted when illegal dynamite disturbs the age old slumber of a carnivorous lizard man. Resort owner Angela, joins forces with Sheriff Keefer to save tourists from the beast’s path of death.

Special Features:

UP FROM THE DEPTHS

o New Anamorphic Widescreen Transfer (1.78:1)

o TV and Radio Spots

o Theatrical Trailer

DEMON OF PARADISE

o New Anamorphic Widescreen Transfer (1.78:1)

o Theatrical Trailer

Colony of the Dark

All hell breaks loose when Jim Mathews gets doused with an experimental serum at the genetic design firm he works at. Mathew s wife, whom works for the same firm, catches him cheating on her and exacts revenge by throwing the serum directly in his face. The serum causes Mathews limbs to fall off his body and form a colony of bloodthirsty creatures. Mathews also has an unquenchable hunger for hot young girls and stalks them in the dark cover of night to feed his colony. Don t be afraid of the Colony of the Dark, a blood soaked gritty creature feature.

The Chainsaw Sally Show, Season 1 (DVD)

From Hershall Gordan Lewis, the Godfather of Gore, comes Chainsaw Sally!

Watch as buxom, bloody, and busty Sally act as Judge, Jury and executioner on the scum infecting her small town.

Bonus Features Include: 2 Behind The Scenes, Still Gallery, Music Video.

There’s Nothing Out There: 20th Anniversary Edition (DVD)

See the original film that inspired SCREAM! 3 hot body teens look to get away for the weekend at a vacation house on the lake. Little do they know that There’s Something Out There! An creature that wants to eat the men and mate with the women.

Bonus Features Include -

• New Introduction by Lloyd Kaufman, President of Troma Entertainment and creator of The Toxic Avenger
• New film deconstruction and secrets of success with writer/director Rolfe Kanefsky
• New audio commentary with Rolfe Kanefsky
• Audio Commentary with Director Rolfe Kanefsky and Cast Members
• Original cast auditons
• Pre-Production Footage and Video Storyboards
• Behind-The-Scenes Featurette
• Animation Test Footage and Deleted Shots
• Production Stills
• Original Theatrical Trailer
• Rolfe’s short comedy, MOOD BOOBS, starring Tiffany Shepis

Piranha (Blu-ray 3D)

After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the area’s new razor-toothed residents.

Special Features:

• Filmmaker commentary
• 5 behind-the-scenes featurettes
• Deleted scenes with optional commentary (Blu-ray releases only)
• Ddeleted storyboard sequences (Blu-ray releases only)
• 5 additional behind-the-scenes featurettes (Blu-ray releases only)
• Piranha 3D trailer (Blu-ray releases only)
• TV Spots (Blu-ray releases only)
• 2D version of the film (the second disc of the 2-disc 3D Blu-ray release)

It’s winter.  I Fucking Hate Winter.  The cold, the slush, the ice, all of it.  Oh, and let’s not forget our beloved idiot drivers that miraculously forget how to drive in bad weather whenever the first snowstorm hits.  Uhgg…..

So, I decided to take a little break from the big W and review a summertime movie.  Blood Hook.  What?  You were expecting something good?  I’m not so depressed that I can’t torture you lot. 

So the movie is Blood Hook, and it has a bunch of people in it who never really went on to do anything else.  Except for the director Jim Mallon and the composer/key grip Kevin Murphy.  Both of which went on to work on Mystery Science Theater 3000, which by the way I am an über fan, but who isn’t?     Jim Mallon as the voice of Gypsy, and Kevin Murphy the voice of Tom Servo.  As far as everyone else involved with the film… meh…

Blood Hook was originally titled “Muskie Madness”.  But somewhere along the line it was picked up for distribution by Troma and they insisted on changing the name.  I can see their point. “Muskie Madness” sounds like a Canadian fishing show on PBS.

PLOT:

It’s time for the annual “Muskie Madness” fishing contest, and the lake is packed with hopeful fishermen. It soon becomes apparent, however, that a psychotic serial killer has also decided to join the festivities. Although the police have determined that the killer is claiming his victims by landing them with giant fishhooks, no clear suspects can be found since everyone is using the exact same hook! What is the killer’s goal? And more importantly, can the murders be stopped?

What sets Blood Hook apart from most formula 80′s slasher flicks is the originality of the killings and the disposal of the bodies.  The killer actually uses a GIGANTIC fishing lure to hook his victims and reel them in.  He then store’s them “fish on a stringer” style on the end of the dock until he grinds them up to feed to his minnows.  So yeah, +2 for originality.

What I can’t figure out is exactly when the killer knocked off Michael Jackson.

What does knock down Blood Hook a few notches is that it is a formula movie through and through.  Stupid college kids, predictable storyline, clueless law enforcement and ignorant redneck locals.

Oh, and let’s not forget that this flick comes replete with an 80′s style fishing montage.  Yeah.

Yeah, I don’t think they could have stuck to the horror formula any more if they took a bath in superglue.

That being said, If you’re not looking for a thinker of a movie and just wanna get drunk and have a few chuckles, then check it out.  You probably won’t be surprised or jump out of your skin, but you might just get a few laughs out of it.

Check it out.

Krank

‘Based on actual creatures that for years have tormented our armed forces in the Middle East, these creatures have invaded the southwestern deserts of the United States. The Camel Spiders now freely hunt for prey, unafraid of any predator – including man. No place is safe no one is beyond their paralyzing sting. In the end, a small band of hearty fighters are forced to make one last stand against the creatures.’

Only From The Mind Of Roger Corman: ‘Camel Spiders’ – Watch more horror

My daughter turned three years old today.  I guess it got me feeling a little nostalgic for my youth, but somewhere along the line I started thinking about the video store.  I realized something.  People of my generation are the video store generation!  Yeah, my parents might have rented a few hundred vhs tapes in their time, but they didn’t grow up with a video store around the corner.  And with the news of Blockbuster filing for bankruptcy and all that, it dawned on me.  My daughter will never know the joy of walking up and down dozens of isles of empty movie cases/boxes and picking out a movie purely because she likes the box art.  I recently heard that Crystal Video, the largest independent video store went out of business.  How sad is this?  The video store started and ended with us.  We are Generation V.

Is it our fault?  Probably.  I know I for one didn’t fight Netflix kicking and screaming.  Unlimited movies?  15 bucks a month?  I don’t even have to get off my ass and go get them?  Sign this mofo up!

I’m not exactly sure where I’m going with this.  Maybe I’m just starting to show my age a little bit.  But I will leave you with this.  If you have a kid, and you are still lucky enough to have a Mom and Pop video store where you live, why not take a little drive and pick up a movie.  Maybe, just maybe you can leave them with just a little of the magic and wonder that you knew as “the video store”.  For one day, soon, it will be too late.